either way he was missing a nipple.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
