I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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