im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
