Im at strip club and am horny
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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