don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
