considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize