i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
