saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
