They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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