his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize