I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
