Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
