and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
