i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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