Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
