Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
