my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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