Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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