All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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