Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
