im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
