Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
