I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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