You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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