Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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