Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
