I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
