He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
