Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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