your room smells of hookers.
And success
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Damn victory sex feels great
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
