I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
