whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
