I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
