Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
