he puts the penis in happiness.
The best revenge is premature balding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
