Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
