walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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