You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
high people should be assigned attendants
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
