how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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