"it" just moved
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want her autograph on my taint
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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