Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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