I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
