Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize