She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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