i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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