i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
