The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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