So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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