They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So here I am, sexting at work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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