The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
