i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
