Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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