my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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