I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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