don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
