your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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