ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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