no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
