Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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