shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
