he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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