walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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