my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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