ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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