dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
