i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize