They should really pass out barf bags in church
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
