So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
