I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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