he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
