before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
