You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize