The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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