ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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