Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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