I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
