I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
