she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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